Its been the better part of a week, and I feel its time for me to share the tale of my epic failure at Fan Fest.
The day did not begin in failure however, and I do think I should count what blessings I did have that day and the fun that was had. This is my Fan Fest diary:
Arrive at Fan Fest and contact friends who have held me a place in the Marina Gate line. I was at the Marina Gate because fortunately, my girlfriend had gotten me a free Fan Fest early entry pass for season ticketholders. In addition to the shorter line, we were going to get in at 9:30am, a full hour and a half before the regular schmoes got in.
Do we have a plan? Yes we do, hit up the left field view spot to avoid the rush, and those who wont put in the effort to climb a kagillion flights of stairs will be left behind.
Doors have not opened... who the hell is this guy who keeps talking to me? Yes you are super old, yes you are super creepy, no you cannot be our collective friend due to our close proximity...
Plans have changed, we're gonna hit Section 100ish since we've realized our line position is actually pretty good and anxiety level has now hit an all time high as gates are still not open.
ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME!? Gates have STILL not opened... The joe schmo line better not get let in earlier than 11:15am or heads will roll. "Season Ticketholders" are getting antsy and a riot may be brewing.
Gates OPEN! And a flood of people break formation from their respective place in line and rush the gate. Clutching onto my girlfriend's hand I make my way past creepy guy, and towards the front of the throng of Giants fans. We get through and rush up the stairs to the arcade and make our way to autograph booth #1.
Affeldt... Darren Ford and someone else I can't make out.. uhhh should we stay?... NO! A wild race up the stairs to the autograph booth above us where we find....
Matt Cain and Bruce Bochy!! Got both their autographs, and some pictures too, and on to the next booth
Left field view section, and we find Fontenot, Romo and Whiteside. Okay, still alright, and making incredible time. In line I hear news that Brian Wilson is downstairs in the 127 lower box autograph booth.
I race downstairs to find a humongous line that reaches around all the way to the Coke Bottle, then down into the bleachers where it snaked through.
Wilson is no longer at the booth, I think its Andres Torres and Javier Lopez... line has moved, but we're still not under the overhang
Hot dogs anyone? we can get some food while we wait. Meanwhile I'm pretty sure this couple with a BABY was not directly in front of us last time I checked. How can some people live with themselves raising their children on lies and deceit!
Affeldt and Ford have both came and went. We're now waiting for the last group of Giants, who we will most likely get our autographs from.
I hear screaming and cheering as fans start to congregate around a dark figure in a hood. He has a police officer on either side escorting him to the autograph booth, and he's got a BEARD. Yes Brian Wilson is now at MY autograph booth. My nunchucks WILL be signed by a certified ninja. The dream has come true!
And now that dream is gone from me... B Wheezy hasn't signed any autographs and is now on his way out of the stadium. My nunchucks remain in the bag... unsigned.
The replacements: Ron Wotus and Hensley Mullens. I attempt to contain my excitement... I somehow manage...
I begrudgingly hand over my "scrub" ball to Ron Wotus and Hensley Mullens to sign.
Over 4 hours in line, $8 for a Giants baseball, and watched Brian Wilson walk out of MY autograph booth instead of sign my nunchucks... I have been defeated.
If anyone wants to purchase my ball signed by:
Mike Fontenot and
I'll be taking offers... lets start the bidding at $0.50
Laws of the Day
I will not be attending Fan Fest ever again.